Losing You
by pimpy
Summary: Ciel and Sebastian are best friends, but when Ciel and Lizzy start to go out, Sebastian's attitude changes. The two freinds are becoming more distant each day, until Ciel decides to put an end to this and tell the truth, even if this means losing him forever. Slight Ciel/Lizzy and Sebastian/Beast.


_I do not own Kuroshitsuji or any of its characters. This fiction is just a way of amusing myself and express my view regarding the series. I do not earn any money out of it. I do it only for the sake of fun. Warning: charachters may act out of... well... character. Also I'm not a native English speaker/writer so bear with me and my spelling. Please enjoy and review._

Losing You

"Auch!" I tried to muffle my voice. That idiot started to pick on me. Again. Can't he sit still without disturbing me!? I mutely fumed glaring at a grinning Sebastian next to me. I can seriously hate him sometimes.

"What?!" I wisper angrily. He shrugged. As I thought he's trying to piss me off.

"Phantomhive!" I jolted as I heared the teacher's voice snapping me out of my anger.

"E-excuse me?" I stammered nervously.

"What is the solution of the task on the board?"

"Err..." I tried to win some time "x=9 and -3."

The teachers' eyes narrowed. "True, but next time you don't pay attention you'll have extra homework."

"Understood." I answered shooting a glare at Sebastian. Thankfully the bell rang and we were dismissed.

I quickly packed my stuff and left.

"Hey wait Ciel" I heard Sebastian's voice in the distance. I quickened my steps but he quickly caught up with me. "Why so grumpy?" he asked.

"Like you don't know."

"Aww, come on your boredom was written all over your face, I just tried to lift your mood."

I rolled my eyes and headed to the cafeteria with him by my side.

I sometimes wondered how ended up with him.

I remember the day when we met. I was a new student, but everyone feared me because Grell had spread that I live with him and Aunt Anne because my parents died while I survived. A lot of idiot came to me asking inconvenient questions like 'how did they die?' 'what did you feel?' 'wanna talk about it?' , 'have you seen the light?'or started mocking me calling me murderer. In the end I got so fed up and took action.

"Hey Sutcliff!" I shouted at him.

"What do you want midget?" he snapped. "Can't you see I'm busy with my Sebas-chan?" he said glaring at me then grinning at a very disgusted Sebastian. "Go kill someone else than me."

"Yeah, that's exactly what I want to talk about." I said grabbing his collar yanking him back to face me and punch him hard in the nose. The thing's screech caught the student's attention and a small crowd started to gather around us.

"What the fuck?!" yelled Grell. "My beautiful nose! You ruined my perfect face!"

"Calm down, your face is so ugly that it doesn't matter if it's beaten or not." I said coldly.

"You little brat!" he cried lunging at me but I kicked him hard so he fell back to the concrete. I janked him up by his hair.

"Listen Sutcliff, I've had enough of you" I said threateningly "If you dare to ruin my name again I'll beat the living shit out of you!" then dropped him.

He quickly ran away from the pointing fingers and laughs of the crowd.

"And who the fuck asked your opinion?!" I yelled at them to their great surprise and fright. "You coward little shits! All you can do is to follow someone like sheep? You revolting bastards get out of my sight!" They immediately ran away.

I sighed and set off for home.

"Wait!" I heard a voice behind me. I turned around to see the guy who was sexually harassed by Grell. He wore no red, but had red eyes, which instantly explained Grell's attraction towards him. That thing loved every red thing.

The guy was tall, probably 6 foot tall. He had black hair and pale skin.

"So you're 'the' Sebastian I heard about." I said. "Looks like it's not just ladies you're popular with."

"Yea, thanks for getting that guy off me. And... I suppose you're 'the' rumoured Ciel ." he said uncertainly roaming his eyes on me. "So Ciel, what about we go and have ice-cream."

I accepted it and we became best friends since that. Every day I went to school with him and sometimes to Grell's great protest I slept at him. Not that I cared what he had felt.

"Hey Ciel!" I heared a high-pitched voice behind me.

"You go I'll catch up with you later." Sebastian's smile disappeared while mutely nodding and leaving.

"Yes Elisabeth?" I asked her.

"I was wondering if you could help me with my math homework." she asked innocently. "I don't get it, but you do! Please?"

"Fine." I answered.

"Thank you!" she squealed. "By the way just call me Lizzy, I despise 'Elisabeth'."

"Okay Lizzy. Would it be okay for you if we did it while having lunch?"

"Sure no problem." she answered following me.

"Ciel! I'm here!" I heared Sebastian's call. As he saw Lizzy he frowned again. Did I miss something?

I sat in front of him, Lizzy next to me.

I felt Sebastian's gaze on us all break long.

After helping Lizzy, we started to hang out together to Sebastian's great disapproval. A few weeks later she admitted her feelings for me and we started going out. At graduation we held hands in excitement and kissed when we got it. I had a nagging feeling in the back of my head all the time. I knew it was Sebastian's gaze on me, no longer smiling. He's been so cold ever since I started dating her. We met less and less frequently, I felt that we drifted apart...But I dismissed the thought.

I could't...

I had to...

"That's interesting." said Lizzy as I told her what happened at work. We had a double date with Sebastian and his new girlfriend Beast. I was quite surprised when he informed me he had a girlfriend. Ever since I had known him he didn't have one even if he could had have all chicks he desired with his looks. I thought he would end up as a bachelor.

As I looked at her I couldn't surpress that boiling yet tightening feeling in my chest. The gap between us only widened.

But I couldn't say it.

I had to...

"I'm going to marry Lizzy" I said. Sebastian fell silent. He just stared at me with those unreadable red eyes. The twisting feeling inside of me growed.

"Oh..." he muttered after two minutes. "I was... just planning on proposing Beast as well."

We silently sat in front of each other sipping our beer. The gap was so wide that I doubt I see the same Sebastian as I used to. The twisting feeling made me nauseous.

I must...!

But I couldn't.

I couldn't tell him that I had to...

"I can't believe it Ciel! Tomorrow we will get married~!" squealed Lizzy in her still high-pitched voice. She pressed herself up against Ciel's arm. "Maybe~ tonight we could-"

"Wait, wouldn't it be more exciting to do it on honeymoon?"

"Hn, right" she said sulking and storming away to the kitchen where Beast made sandwiches.

"What did I miss?" asked Sebastian returning from the restroom.

"Nothing of importance..." I said tearing my gaze away from him. Every time that tightening felling returned, by now to my throat as well. Sebastian's and Beast's marriage was two months away.

I couldn't bear it anymore.

"Sebastian" I called.

"Hm?" he asked.

I swallowed nervously. "I-"

"Want more beer honey?" shouted Lizzy from the kitchen.

I sighed. "No thanks."

"What did you want to talk about?" she asked in the doorway.

I turned my head away. "Nothing."

Again that gap occurred to my mind. As it became wider and wider and wider and wider... as Sebastian became smaller and smaller...

But I couldn't.

I couldn't tell him. It would have totally changed our relationship...

I had to forget... in order to move forward...

After my last encounter with Sebastian as a bachelor I arrived home. I slowly peeled off my clothes and climbed into bed.

"Ciel~" I heard Lizzy's purr in the doorway.

"Not now Lizzy, I'm tired." I tried to refuse.

"Come on~ Let's be naughty~" she seduced climbing in next to me.

"Lizzy please, I'm really tired" I tried again but no avail. She climbed on my lap after yanking off the covers off me. I started to squirm. As we did that I accidently knocked over the photo on my nightstand. My eyes snapped open and with superhuman force I pushed Lizzy off me. I gathered the fallen pecies in my hands, ignoring Lizzy's baffled expression.

It was the four of us in the picture. The picture of our first double date. I froze and squeezed the broken piece.

This wasn't right...

I shouldn't do this. I have to put an end to this before it's too late. This will never be sold if I keep running away. I must tell him.

I franticly started to redress, my exhaustion forgotten.

"Where are you going?"

I stopped and turned to her very slowly. This isn't right. I shouldn't do this. Expecially to her.

"I'm sorry Lizzy" I whispered to her. "But I can't do this."

"I-i know that you're a littlre scared of this... but Ciel...after all that we've been through...you should know what's best for you."

I paled. The best for me...?

"Come" she offer patting the place next to her "let's sleep, tomorrow we'll have a big day."

"No." I whispered.

"W-what?!"

"I can' t do this anymore Lizzy. It's not fair to you."

"What do you try to imply Ciel?" she asked her breath hitching.

"I call off the marriage."

"What?!" she asked her tears flowing down on her cheeks. "Did I did something wrong?"

"NO! It's not you, it's me." I tried to explain to her despairately."I thought if I date you I will forget. But I can't do this. You're too kind, I don't want to ruin your life too. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but I can't stay. I've done enough damage already." And I left.

"Wait, no Ciel!" she shouted getting up and following me to the door. "Don't leave me!"

"I'm sorry Lizzy." I whispered getting in the car driving away.

No turning back. No more running. This time I will tell him.

Even if this means losing him forever.

I was sitting in my old house, the one I used to live in when my parents were alive. I haven't been here for a long time. It's dusty already.

I was shifting uncomfortably on my seat. I called Sebastian saying that it was an emergency and I needed him. What wasn't a complete lie. I needed to tell him. I needed him.

This was my only chance. I am certain that with this I'm going to lose him forever... but if I didn't- No! He would get out of my reach even if I didn't tell him. That pit will go further and further until only his mirage could be seen. No. I must do it. If I don't succeed then I won't have anything to live for. In order to move forward I must take this risk

The doorbell rang. With shaky legs I got up to answer. I flung the door open meeting a confused Sebastian.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"Of course." I said stepping away. "Make yourself home."

We sat down in the living room.

"I have to tell you something. Now."

"I'm listening."

I hesitantly looked him in the eyes.

"I don't marry Lizzy." I stated. As I watched him I swear I could see a tingle of relief in his eyes.

"I'm sorry-"

"No, don't. I broke up...because...I am not in love with her."

He didn't answer this time.

"But this isn't what I wanted to tell you." I sighed. "Sebastian...What I am about to tell you will decide our further relationship."

He looked at me confused, but I continued. "If you can accept and return it... then please stay. But if you don't...then leave...and never come back."

This time he was shocked.

"You must be honest Sebastian. If you refuse then don't say a word, don't look at me and leave. Promise me."

"I promise."

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. I licked my lips searching for the right words. I could lose him forever...But I can't keep it in me anymore.

"I don't want to be your friend anymore."

He visibly paled, his eyes widening in shock.

"Because I'm in love with you."

If it was possible he became even more pale. I sat still on the edge of my seat waiting. After some time my heart clenched as I watched him get up. Tears gathered in my eyes as he walked to my door. Of course he leaves! I just confessed my feelings for him. And he's disgusted. I can't believe this happened. He is leaving me. I've lost him forever.

.

.

.

_Klick!_

My head snapped up at Sebastian's back. He was standing in front of my door lowering his arm.

_Did he just lock the door?_

He slowly turned around shame written all over his face.

"Wha?" I ask choking back a sob.

He suddenly lashed forward closing me in his cinnamon-scented hug.

I was completely stunned.

"What are you doing?" I asked him. "I told you to leave."

"No."

"Sebastian please, leave." I begged.

"No." he insisted.

I didn't understand him. He clearly didn't return my feeling so what is this farce for?

"Are you making fun of me?" I gritted my teeth.

He let go of my cupping my face with his hands. I was surprised to find his eyes teary as well.

"I am so embarrassed." he admitted. "All long...I knew that something was amiss about you, yet I didn't have the courage to ask."

I didn't understand him. What was he talking about?

"To think" he laughed bitterly caressing my cheeks "that the little boy with the lack of ability to express his feelings...admitted what I was dreaming of but never had the courage to do so."

My eyes widened further when something wet and warm touched my lips. He was kissing me. After a second of hesitation I returned and parted my lips to let him in. I moaned when our tongues met. He tasted just as good as he smelt. Maybe even better.

Suddenly he lifted me up and my legs unconsciously wrapped themselves tightly over Sebastian's torso. Without opening his eyes or breaking the contract he manouvered to my old room. He threw me on the bed then climbed over me with a predatory glint in his eyes. He kissed me passionately while ridding me of my shirt, breaking the contact when he pulled my T-shirt over my head then his before tossing them aside. He sucked on my cellar-bone then I hissed as he bit me.

After licking it as an apology he licked his way down to my nipples. He sucked on one earning a moan from me. It was foreign to be licked like that, obviously Lizzy expected to be the one who's licked. Now I know why she liked it so much. There's nothing like the hot breath and saliva of your love on your skin.

After treating the other bud he headed lower and lower till he reached the hem of my pants. He eagerly yanked it off eyeing the heated bulge in my boxers. To my greatest embarassement he nuzzled it with his nose then pulled the underwear down with his teeth. He parted my tights and hungrily observed my very erect manhood. He looked back up in my eyes silently asking if it's ok. I answered by spreading my legs further.

My breath hitched when he completely engulfed me. His moans sent shivers up my spine. I couldn't stop myself from thursting in his wet and warm mouth but he didn't mind, on the contrary, he loosened his jaw to take in more. My shaking tights forewarned Sebastian who-before I could orgasm-pulled away.

I wanted to complain but me cut me off. "I want you to do the same to me."

I blushed and kneeled in front of him. I helped him remove his pants and boxers. I gulped when I saw how big he is. No wonder Beast was so crazy around him.

I shyly kissed his tip, licked from the base to the slit, where I swirled my tongue under the skin. Encouraged by his moans I engulfed as much of him as I could, the remaining area was squeezed by my hands. He grunted and tore me off of him shoving me on the bed. He lifted my legs to his shoulders so that he could see my virgin entrance.

I gasped when I felt his tongue prodding at my hole entering thus stretching me.

"No" I whimpered "that's dirty." But it was ignored. Making sure I'm slick enough he returned to my blushing face grinning "Now I'm going to devour you." He positioned himself and slowly entered. My first natural reaction was rejection, my walls clamped down on him so that he couldn't move.

"Ci-Ciel, mmmhh oh God, relax or I can't make you feel good." I controlled my breath as he kissed away my tears. A few minutes later I loosened up and he slid all the way in, waiting for me to adjust. I moaned as he pulled out then pushed back in. I practically yelped when he hit a spot in me. I looked at him with a questioning look but he just grinned. He shoved himself onto that spot again and again faster and faster.

"Ha-harder~! Se-sebas mmhhh ahhh~tian~"

I was close so was him. His thursts became more animalistic losing its rhyme then he spent himself in me as I did on his abdomen.

He pulled out and collapsed next to me. We watched each other lovingly as we caught our breath.

"So" asked Sebastian "since when?"

"I don't know" I panted "one day I realised that you're no longer a friend for me. And when she came I was certain."

"Then why did you engage her?"

"I hoped I could forget."

"Forget?"

"Forget the pain of being so close yet so distant from you. It hurt so much that you would leave me if you knew how I truly felt about you."

Sebastian looked away. I started to panic. Maybe he was just curious how far would I go.

_Maybe he really didn't love me._

"You know...I wanted to forget too." I stared at him wide-eyed so he continued. "When you started dating..._her _firsty I thought I was jealous because you spent your time with her. But I realised that I didn't regard you as a friend. I dated Beast to forget about you but as you can see" he chuckled "it didn't work out."

"Didn't work out?"

"Yea, we broke up in the end because I thought about you to make things faster and grunted your name when we had sex."

"Oh" I said blushing. He pulled me close to his chest.

"You know" he said caressing me "I think you're really brave. I don't think I would have had the courage to tell you. I was scared that if you knew I would lose you forever. I wanted to be close to you...even if that meant being only your friend."

"Well it's really a good thing that I took the first step. But next time I top."

"Wha?!"

"I was the one who saved us, wasn't I?"

"Tche, fine."

I kissed him on the forehead.

"Thank you."

He only grunted in response.

"Then how about doing it now?" I asked grinning.

"WHA?!"

_I hope you enjoyed. Please review. _

_P.s.: If you care about what happened to Lizzy and Beast then don't ask I don't know either. Probably consoling themselves with (__hot passionate sex)__(__dildos) __ice cream. Because sad and disappointed women do that,right? No offence ladies._


End file.
